Too die by your side would be such a heavenly way to die

I used to say that some days id like to cry, some id like to be apart from you, some id like to loath on dust,that some days id like to run till the horizon takes me to the stars, some days are becoming most days. My story has a redundant ding to it and I cannot quite find a beat, it is lost within all the noise my life makes when it unfolds. I'm living with my dad now. It gets hot in here because Elena likes to save electricity during the day, my luck, I finish school during the day. So i have to deal with my palms getting sweaty just too add to everything else that is wrong with me. When I feel any sort of discomfort, I write, I cry cry cry, the world ends, I turn to literature as my consolation prize. For, people like to shrug and laugh so very often. My feet are warm under these covers and I am about to melt within the sheets. Hopefully I end up not crying once more, hopefully I close my eyes and hold a vision of an orange watercolour day day with purple skies and my mother right next to me whispering "everything will be alright" and they will be because momma says so. I would feel so safe hearing words that bring me such relief and ill feel like my body is covered in ribbons but then while im forcing my lids to remain shut I wake up to these four walls to a lonely bed and guilt ridden front.