Feburary 14 2009

Im not going to get too into detail of how it went yesterday. I didnt end up going to Delray so, this what it resulted in;
My day didnt start off too great, at the moment it really bothered me but im okay now. Its silly how these boys think that the scum that comes out of their mouth is really going to affect me, its funny how they swear im never going to regain myself. I went on a "date" with Mario, im not gonna lie it wasn't bad. Im just not used to it. Ive never really experienced awkward moments or situations wheras i feel slightly uncomfortable, so this one was a first. In my last relationship it was like we had skipped all of that, and hit it off right from the start. But i really have to stop comparing everyone to Him because it isnt helping and its just not fair. Afterwards later in the night i met up with Jalima and Markus, i was more at ease. I was actually happy to see Mr. Daddy Marky.
I talked to Him last night, dont rag on me for it.For once our conversation didnt consist of "your a dumb whore" or "i hate you, rot." it was quite the opposite. Im dumbfounded at how life works, no matter how much we'd like to convince each other that were "over it" and that we'll never speak to one another again, it never seems to be. We always go back to square one. It kinda kills me how its been months and this doesnt seem to die out. Maybe its not meant to. Maybe all the plans i made with Him are trying to let themselves unfold.
So im stumped, im confused at all the ranges of emotions i felt yesterday. I dont want to get ahead of myself and make assumptions because that always results in failure. I always end up dissapointed.

It was nice talking to Him again, it made me feel safe and it made
Feel.