Pondering in school

So im sitting in the computer lab supposed to be finishing my english essay but i decided to write a little something, a little something i can look back at.
My finger tips are really cold and bare, the sound of the computer breathing is keeping me company.
My plan for this weekend is to drive around horse country and take pictures of anything and just have a swell time, all by myself. I want to know that i can do that again, have a good time just doing something i love, and thats breathing, by myself. I dont want to think about anyone anymore.
Its so funny how numb ive become, in many aspects, today when she were puttting the needle in arm for a blood test, i didnt flinch i just looked at her blankly. It was like i wasnt aware of what she were doing. But the numbness, is making me feel alright, i never said wholesome, I said alright.
Im going to my dads house this weekend, i like the mornings there. The sun creeps out of the corners of the shades and into my neck and eyes, and the warmth of it is somewhat pleasant.
We all have to start apprecaiting these types of little things, because they hold so much beauty in them. My mom told us that during spring break we are going to Ecuador, i have family there. My summers as a child were spent under those huge purple skies. Im really looking foward to going and breathing cold air and disconecting myself from what is called reality. Ive been reading up on some Pablo Neruda and his work never ceases to amaze me.
But for now im finding salvation in oatmeal cookies and passion fruit juice,


You know, i forget to miss you hours at a time.